Contributed by elusiverebel.tumblr.com
The same people who say “fuck love” are the ones who crave it the most. That is a bitter sentiment. Love is awesome. Whatever you are saying “fuck” to couldn’t have been love. And most of the time, people end up in that state of mind for holding on more tightly to their desires than they do their intuition. Some people crave love so bad, they don’t realize THAT is what is standing in their way of having it. They settle or move too fast, which only leads to disappointment. Love takes time to develop between two people. Love cannot be planned. And no matter how bad you want it, love cannot be forced or created. It manifests on its own, at its own pace.
If you have someone “to pass the time” that’s fine, just make sure they know that and conduct yourself accordingly. But if you feel like you’re developing feelings for someone, proceed with caution. People can be very impulsive. See a nice jacket? Buy it… then check your bank account the next day and say, “Damn. I shouldn’t have done that.” You can return it, or keep it and bring leftovers for lunch to work for a week. But make that same impulsive mistake with investing your heart and it’s a different story. By the time you say, “Damn. I shouldn’t have done that.” it’s too late. And I’m not being gender-specific for a reason. Men do this, women do this. Yes, men need to be careful with their hearts too. So I’m speaking universally. I’m not a psychologist, but I know some things about life. Men get their feelings hurt and hearts broken, they just handle it differently for the most part. Women will call their friends and cry, post it on facebook, make a movie about it, etc. I’m not saying ALL, but you know…
Anyway, back to the subject. In order to recognize love, you have to supress your desire for it to a certain extent. Some people let it get the best of them and it clouds their judgment. Don’t be so easily impressed. It’s very easy for someone to say something sweet and put a smile on your face. It’s also very easy for someone to say something about their self that they think you’d like to hear. And if you have high hopes for love, you may just WANT to believe it. I’m not saying that person is lying to you, I’m just saying time will tell. This sounds like common sense but you’d be surprised. Just like you may be surprised at the amount of people who confuse sex to mean they are in a relationship. Some people figure, “Oh we’re getting along pretty well, we hang out here and there, and we’re fucking so we must be in a relationship.” No.
I know it’s 2011 and we’re grown, so the “will you be my boyfriend/girlfriend?” approach is not the way to go. But if you start to develop genuine feelings for someone after a while, as an adult it is your responsibility to ask the other person if they have an interest in seeing other people and hope they answer honestly (this of course would be after you asked if they had anyone else in their life to begin with). If you don’t ask, there is a low probability they will volunteer the fact that there is another person (or other people even) in the equation. Eventually you may discover, learn about, or see it for yourself and then what? You can’t be mad. It’s not fair to hold someone to a certain expectation if you never put it out there for them to agree to. That’s like offering someone money and assuming they are going to pay you back, even though you never said “I need this back by such and such date, is that going to work for you?” Then you see them buying new shoes and you say, “Hey, what about my money?” and they will look at you like, "What the fuck?"
Never assume someone has the same train of thought you do. Everyone is wired differently, was raised differently, etc. And ignoring red flags in order to “protect” your feelings from the truth will only make it harder to accept the truth when it comes out, because you put so much energy into denying it. Which brings me to this point, you will know how someone feels about you by the way they make YOU feel. If someone wants you to be happy, they will make you happy. And you will do the same for them. So, if you don’t feel special to someone, chances are… you aren’t. If someone is constantly disappointing you, upsetting you, disrespecting you, not reciprocating your love, etc. it’s safe to say they feel you are not worth their sincere efforts or self-improvement. They don’t care if you’re happy or not. “It’s whatever.” And it’s that simple. It’s your decision to hold on or let go. I know that is easier said than done, but as someone who once had difficulty making that decision, I can tell you that when the bad outweighs the good- just let go. Admit to yourself that some things were meant to be, but not meant to last. Such as my previous relationship with my kids’ father. I believe we were meant to be at one point to create the three lives that bring me inexplicable joy every day. But we were definitely not meant to last. After leaving him, several months later I crossed paths with someone who has since shown me that what I had before wasn’t even love at all. But at the same time, what I had before has taught me to never convince myself that anything is meant to last. I enjoy the time as it passes and if we should ever part ways, I will be thankful for the experience. That is why you will never hear me say “fuck love.” If you are honest with yourself, you won’t either.
The same people who say “fuck love” are the ones who crave it the most. That is a bitter sentiment. Love is awesome. Whatever you are saying “fuck” to couldn’t have been love. And most of the time, people end up in that state of mind for holding on more tightly to their desires than they do their intuition. Some people crave love so bad, they don’t realize THAT is what is standing in their way of having it. They settle or move too fast, which only leads to disappointment. Love takes time to develop between two people. Love cannot be planned. And no matter how bad you want it, love cannot be forced or created. It manifests on its own, at its own pace.
If you have someone “to pass the time” that’s fine, just make sure they know that and conduct yourself accordingly. But if you feel like you’re developing feelings for someone, proceed with caution. People can be very impulsive. See a nice jacket? Buy it… then check your bank account the next day and say, “Damn. I shouldn’t have done that.” You can return it, or keep it and bring leftovers for lunch to work for a week. But make that same impulsive mistake with investing your heart and it’s a different story. By the time you say, “Damn. I shouldn’t have done that.” it’s too late. And I’m not being gender-specific for a reason. Men do this, women do this. Yes, men need to be careful with their hearts too. So I’m speaking universally. I’m not a psychologist, but I know some things about life. Men get their feelings hurt and hearts broken, they just handle it differently for the most part. Women will call their friends and cry, post it on facebook, make a movie about it, etc. I’m not saying ALL, but you know…
Anyway, back to the subject. In order to recognize love, you have to supress your desire for it to a certain extent. Some people let it get the best of them and it clouds their judgment. Don’t be so easily impressed. It’s very easy for someone to say something sweet and put a smile on your face. It’s also very easy for someone to say something about their self that they think you’d like to hear. And if you have high hopes for love, you may just WANT to believe it. I’m not saying that person is lying to you, I’m just saying time will tell. This sounds like common sense but you’d be surprised. Just like you may be surprised at the amount of people who confuse sex to mean they are in a relationship. Some people figure, “Oh we’re getting along pretty well, we hang out here and there, and we’re fucking so we must be in a relationship.” No.
I know it’s 2011 and we’re grown, so the “will you be my boyfriend/girlfriend?” approach is not the way to go. But if you start to develop genuine feelings for someone after a while, as an adult it is your responsibility to ask the other person if they have an interest in seeing other people and hope they answer honestly (this of course would be after you asked if they had anyone else in their life to begin with). If you don’t ask, there is a low probability they will volunteer the fact that there is another person (or other people even) in the equation. Eventually you may discover, learn about, or see it for yourself and then what? You can’t be mad. It’s not fair to hold someone to a certain expectation if you never put it out there for them to agree to. That’s like offering someone money and assuming they are going to pay you back, even though you never said “I need this back by such and such date, is that going to work for you?” Then you see them buying new shoes and you say, “Hey, what about my money?” and they will look at you like, "What the fuck?"
Never assume someone has the same train of thought you do. Everyone is wired differently, was raised differently, etc. And ignoring red flags in order to “protect” your feelings from the truth will only make it harder to accept the truth when it comes out, because you put so much energy into denying it. Which brings me to this point, you will know how someone feels about you by the way they make YOU feel. If someone wants you to be happy, they will make you happy. And you will do the same for them. So, if you don’t feel special to someone, chances are… you aren’t. If someone is constantly disappointing you, upsetting you, disrespecting you, not reciprocating your love, etc. it’s safe to say they feel you are not worth their sincere efforts or self-improvement. They don’t care if you’re happy or not. “It’s whatever.” And it’s that simple. It’s your decision to hold on or let go. I know that is easier said than done, but as someone who once had difficulty making that decision, I can tell you that when the bad outweighs the good- just let go. Admit to yourself that some things were meant to be, but not meant to last. Such as my previous relationship with my kids’ father. I believe we were meant to be at one point to create the three lives that bring me inexplicable joy every day. But we were definitely not meant to last. After leaving him, several months later I crossed paths with someone who has since shown me that what I had before wasn’t even love at all. But at the same time, what I had before has taught me to never convince myself that anything is meant to last. I enjoy the time as it passes and if we should ever part ways, I will be thankful for the experience. That is why you will never hear me say “fuck love.” If you are honest with yourself, you won’t either.